Call Me A System Quartback

Hi, my name is Tom. You may have had the pleasure of watching me on your television playing football for the past 7 seasons. If not, you still may have seen me in a couple commercials throughout the same time period, but not nearly as many as the greatest QB ever, Peyton Manning. I just wanted to let you know that it's ok if you want to call me a system quarterback. I know I can't tell you what to write, but since everyone was calling me a 'system quarterback' when I first starting winning nothing but games, then rings, feel free to resume using that moniker. I mean seriously, you try telling Troy Brown and David Patten to go get open down field and see what happens. You'd be dumping off to Antowain Smith and J.R. Redmond for 4 yard gains too. So the first Super Bowl wasn't pretty. The next was a HUGE upgrade, with David Givens and Deion Branch at least able to go catch a pass from 10 yards away. But it was more dink and dunk. So we go to something that works, the screen pass, and I'm branded as a QB who has the benefit of a solid system that accentuates his positive qualities.

Well look who's laughing now. My system is so good, I'm putting up MVP numbers and threatening just a couple all-time records. But it's not on me, it's the guys around me that make the system what it is. It's every QB's wet dream to lob passes to Randy Moss, hit Wes Welker as he streaks in front of me, and watch Donte Stallworth re-write the Juke system for the next Madden game. So really, heading into this season, what did you expect me to do?? I'm taking this system and accentuating all of ITS positive qualities.

Aaaaaaannnnddddd We're Back!

After nearly 4 months off (4 months!!! Holy Shit I'm lazy!) what else could bring me out of the woodwork, but the Pats Day 2 Draft trade for Randy Moss. Now, I thought to myself, this has got to be a good thing for Tom Brady and his boys right?? I mean, the only time Tom could go deep last season was when he was with Bridget and Giselle. This is guaranteed to allow the Pats to spread 'em five wide and let Brady pick apart defenses better than ever right? Won't his open up a ton of running room for the still green Maroney? But what about chemistry and team-first attitude?? Let's take a step back and look at this as a rational, Dan Shaughnessey-esque sports fan.

Randy Moss may be great for the offense on paper, but isn't this the same dude that said he'll play only when he wants to play. Wait, he also happens to be the same dude that still tokes up "once every blue moon." I also heard he's been arrested a couple times, something with his car right? Somebody should have told Bellicheck that he takes the occasional play off when he's not the primary receiver. Isn't he supposed to be some giant locker room cancer, a la TO before he started doing crunches in his driveway?? Man, the Pats are really starting to cut corners when it comes to adding hard working, team first players. Didn't they just draft some brawler in the first round on Saturday?? What's going on in the front office?

These were all the questions that flashed through my brain, for about half a second before I remembered that I'm a true Pats fan, and this was my reaction to the news. Arizona here we come!


Tom Brady's Sperm is Clutch [Deadspin]

Loose Balls Vol. 1.4

Random assorted sports highlights from the past couple of weeks that you've probably seen already, but all are good enough to view again and again. All, of course, courtesy of YouTube. The internet is so big, and there are so many people posting various copywrite infringing clips, that Google will, hopefully, never have the time to police them all.

Everyone loves a good Tea-bagging
Just like they drew it up in the driveway
Who doesn't love a top 10 list?
It really doesn't get any better than Agent Zero

Lastly, for today, I leave you with a website that I've loved all the more as the NFL season has progressed. "Drew Bledsoe", benched for the second time in his career in favor of a younger, more mobile and more poised version of himself, has been keeping a running blog all season. "He" wraps up his season, and blog; which is fittingly called TonyHomo, here. But if you haven't been following along it's worth reading the archives, some hilarious stuff. If only blogging had been this popular back in '01 we could have had a BradyBlows.com.